07 Feb AFTERCARE – What happens after Sex
You could have an awkward sexual encounter, but if there was good communication, sweet post-coital affection and check-ins, the experience could still have been lovely. On the other hand, you could have had 10 mind-blowing orgasms, but if your lover just threw a towel on you and left the room without saying anything, you could be left with hurt feelings or sexual trauma. This is why aftercare is so important. Aftercare programs are an integral part of BDSM scenes (it’s not all just whips and chains!), but can be translated to whatever kind of sex you are having. Whether you are being gagged and flogged, making love on your 27th anniversary, or doing the dirty with a stranger, aftercare should still be applied.
Aftercare is the attention given after a sexual encounter to make sure everyone involved is safe and okay with the experience you just shared. It means being sexually considerate and communicative. Ask your lover how they are feeling, if they need anything, or get them a glass of water and give them a hug. Cuddle. Have a conversation about what just happened. Even if you are having no strings attached sex, a small act of aftercare will honor the fact that you just intimately shared your bodies with each other. There is no right or wrong way to feel after sex. Laughing, crying or feelings of anxiety are all common, valid reactions. Many people experience Postcoital Dysphoria, which is described as by the ISSM as “feelings of deep sadness or agitation after consensual sex, even if the encounter was loving, satisfying, or enjoyable”. In fact, a survey of college women published by Sexual Medicine in 2015 found that 46% of women had experienced Post-Coital Dysphoria at least once, and 5% reported PCD symptoms after sex multiple times in a four-week period. The study stated that “There appeared to be no relationship between PCD and intimacy in close relationships”. Another study on PCD in men was published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. An Australian research team surveyed more than 1,200 men with an online questionnaire and found that 41% of men had experienced PCD at some point and 20% had in the last four weeks. 4% of participants said they experienced PCD on a regular basis.
Sex can be emotional and unpredictable regardless of age, gender, race or sexuality and we need to take care of each other. A little bit of effort goes a long way in caring for all involved parties emotional and physical health.
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