So, most psychologists take a pretty pessimistic view of porn’s place in monogamous long-term relationship, but the studies we reviewed for this piece all bear the common theme of porn being a man’s bad habit that he keeps hidden from his partner’s judgemental inferiority complex the reveal brings out. But, as Dr. Joe Kort points out, the story doesn’t have to end there.

While previous generations engaged with porn within thrilling contexts of the clandestine — staying up late to catch La Nuit Bleu, or flicking through dirty magazines without buying them — today, an exhaustive library of lewdness is always at our fingertips. Accessibility can change our shared attitudes towards the illicit, and even numb us to the novelty. Porn can be an escape from a passionless relationship, or inspiration for the archive of fantasy that we bring passionately into bed with our partners. The difference between the two is a different line for every individual couple to consider.

There are valid feminist criticisms of mainstream porns objectification of impossibly idealized women’s bodies mainly in degrading sexual acts that serve a male porn stars pleasure rather than reaching her own. PornHub and other free access sites to porn have countered this kind of cliche by opening their forums to a community of independent content creators. Couples as well as individuals can upload their bespoke homemade smut to the archive right along the HD triple D money shots that are a dime a dozen online. This as well as the rise of the CamGirl has marked a turn away from catering to the male gaze, to capitalizing on it, and displacing it as the only target market.

            Porn preferences are personal, as the wealth of particular pinpointed interests shows. What we fantasize about and enjoy watching alone might not be shared by our partners, or even be anything close to something we would comfortably live out ourselves. Lots of interesting pornography explores extremes of sexual fantasies — the difference between fuzzy handcuffs and suspension bondage, for example. Sharing our porn preferences with our partners ought to be done with plenty of playful commentary on what just gets us off and what can inspire your next sexcapade.

In all aspects of your relationship, they go better and sexier with lots of honesty. If your sex life if going great, don’t feel bad for indulging in some you-time in your spank bank. If your sex life is hitting a low due to health complications or stress at work, porn can also be a great way to take responsibility for your randiness without making your partner feel pressured fully responsible. Sex certainly keeps many of us sane, so enjoy the twenty-first century’s ease of access to exploring your tastes and turn-ons.